The road to recovery from trauma is bumpy when the tail end of long-term adversity hits you. Ideally there would be time out from stresses, two months in a Spa in the Alps or two years in a Buddhist monastery, followed by a steady rebuilding of resources.
My time, attention and actions are intended to build the future that I like, and demanded by the consequences of past choices. There are tensions between what's urgent and what is important. There is tension between treating someone like the cruel, mean-willing abuser and deceiver that he has been , or like the embodiment of human suffering in need compassion.
My mind can hold opposites, but my actions can only be singular, and I must choose.
How is the future best served?
What is the kindest course of action?
Which course of action is the most fulfilling, in the long run? The most liberating? The most harmonious?
And how can the body know with clarity which choice is which, if I am to follow the pleasure principle, when tension is so intense and acute, that it causes pain?