Do you treat him like you were his male buddy, wearing his clothes and cheering for his favourite team? Do you see him as your best friend, sharing with him all the minute details of your life’s ups and downs? Do you act as a protective mother, warning him of the dangers out there when he’s heading out? Or do you speak to him in a child’s voice, asking for candy?
There are many ways to relate and express love. But only a few ways are ‘sexy’, adding to eroticism and passion. Here is how you can be a lover to the man you love, in ten steps:
1. Act and look feminine. Maybe your career calls for power suits and fast, purposeful walking. This scores you career points, but in love it makes you look, sound and feel like “one of the boys”. Dresses, jewellery, long hair, moist lips and smiles are feminine, thus sexy. Tantra teacher and author
David Deida elaborates on this topic in his book “Intimate Communion”.
3. Express emotions. Contrary to the guys’ complaints about women’s dramas, men are attracted to women who express emotions openly, and turned off by women who give directions instead. “I like watching you fixing things around the house” is sexy. “Go repair our pantry door” is not.
4. Give him freedom. Your first priority, as a feminine woman, is to connect. Men are wired to value freedom. “Of course I want you to go mountain climbing with your buddies, Honey!” is music to a man’s ears. He’ll brag about you to his friends. Saying “What about us? I want to spend our holidays together” might get you more time with him, but not more heartbeats in his chest around you.
5. Admire him. How many men do you know who passionately obsess about their overcritical girlfriends and wives? Me neither. But mention his achievements in front of your friends, and watch the flames of passion go high! Focus on the things he is good at, and sing him the old James Bond song: “Nobody Does it Better”.
6. Follow his initiative. This is unthinkable in this equalitarian age. But the Initiator is a masculine trait. If all your outings and lovemaking sessions are your call, you are acting from your masculine side, which triggers a passive, feminine response in your sweetheart. Risk eating at a restaurant you don’t favour, if he proposes it. Even if you are both comfortable taking turns in initiating things, makes sure to encourage his initiative by following (happily!) and allow him occasions to take the lead.
7. Challenge him. Men like to conquer and win their prizes. They are naturally wired to be the pursuer. While a man feels flattered when a woman pursues him, and offers her body, mind, soul and time to him readily, he will not find her sexy. Don’t be the Ice Queen, but neither the always available for you gal. If you give a man a chance to work a bit for his prize (you), he’ll appreciate it even better!
8. Touch him. The feminine principle is the nurturing Mother, like Mother Earth, touching, holding, and embracing. When you talk to your man, place your soft, warm hand on his shoulder, arm, or back – and smile. The most thought-absorbed man cannot resist the warm touch of a woman. Men find a woman’s touch sexier than her words!
9. Dance. Watching your body move will bring the farthest, distant masculine mind, to the earthly here and now. Dance with him and dance for him.
10. Play! A playful, flirtatious woman is irresistible to any man, regardless of how she looks, and regardless of even social and academic differences. In the TV sitcom ‘Dharma and Gregg’, a couple is depicted as coming from immensely different backgrounds and views of the world. In spite of all the differences, the couple’s marriage is thriving. Why? The woman is playful, innovative, creative, ‘cool’, and they have a fabulous sex life!