… as well as what they do not want…
When it comes to men, I have a soft spot for the sensitive type. I know that not all women share my preferences. While I am always moved when receiving flowers, I sometimes hear other women say “If he shows up with a bouquet, I’ll hit him in the head with it”.
Women like men to be older, younger, muscular, academic, the construction worker hunk or the extravagant millionaire; lean or cuddly; Viking looking blonde with blue eyes, or dark Middle Eastern, or Indian, or African, with eyes of black fire – the possibilities go to infinity. Women’s tastes and preferences in attraction are determined by their own personality, personal history and culture.
But when it comes to what the essentially feminine women want to experience in love relationships, they all share a common field of needs and wants. The feminine energy wants the masculine energy, to attract her, and make her complete. The more feminine energy a woman carries, the more she is attracted to masculine men. She doesn’t long for someone “just like her” – she longs for her opposite.
Women value relationships. The quality of a woman’s relationships colours and flavours all the other areas of her life. You can easily tell by a woman’s looks and health the extent to which she is sexually and emotionally fulfilled.
So what is it that most women want in men?
1. Presence and Attention: A man who sees, hears and feels his woman here and now
Women want to be loved. Love is paying attention. Women want the undivided man's attention.
“Look at me. See me. Don’t try to fix me, or solve my problems. When I change my hair style, don’t give me a value judgement of the style (It’s a good style, Hun!). Just remark: ‘Oh! You changed your hair style!’”
“When I am emotional - which, as a woman, I may be often – don’t invalidate my emotions (‘You shouldn’t be feeling what you feel’) and don’t rationalize them either (‘And so you should feel, Honey, because how dare they…[fill in the blank]) The best you can do for me is say: “I can tell how frustrating / upsetting / maddening this is for you, Honey” or “This must be so difficult” or ask me how I feel and just listen.”
What women don’t want: An absent-minded man, distant, arrogant, and emotionally volatile and unavailable. A man who is self-absorbed. The proverbial stereotype of the man who watches TV, or reads the paper, completely ignoring his woman – someone who literally is not there for his woman.
2. Wisdom and Wit: A man who thinks, reflects and laughs
“I admire you and am proud of you. Your brilliant mind combined with your sharp wit is a powerful aphrodisiac for me. Intelligent humour sweeps me off my feet! Make love to my mind, and the body will follow!”
What women don’t want: boring, monotonous, dull activities and conversation.
3. Uncompromising Love: A man whose love for his woman is unmovable
“I can feel your love for me. At times I am scared to loose it, so I test you and probe you with emotional dramas. Those moments, I look ugly to you; and still, your unmovable love pierces through the ugliness of fear and you embrace me with your strong arms, kiss me with passion, and show up in love strong and noble as a diamond.”
What women don’t want: A man who’ll take off at the first gust of wind; one who allows adversity, peer pressure or other women to sacrifice his love for his woman.
4. Character: A man of integrity, authentic and responsible
“When you say it, you mean it. You only promise that which you know you can keep, and you live by your word. If I heard it from you, I know I can count on it.”
“You honestly and openly express your feelings and intentions, even when it’s difficult for you to do so. Your words are true to your interiors, and I can trust you, and soften up some more around you.”
“You don’t seek what’s easy and convenient; you seek what’s right, and wise, and compassionate. You pursue it undeterred by obstacles or hardships – such is your character. I admire you – your character is so sexy!”
What women don’t want – is a cheater, a coward, a man with no values, a perpetual liar who puts up a face; one who plays the blame game, either blaming self or others for his misfortunes. A man with a defeatist attitude; a whiner; a gossiper.
5. Initiative and Direction: A man who initiates and directs with love
“When I ask you which earrings to wear, you tell me: ‘The blue ones, definitely’. I may or may not wear the ones you say; but I secretly enjoy getting direction from you.”
“When we go out, it’s often your initiative. You surprise me with tickets or reservations and you take care of all the arrangements. Although I know how to initiate and lead, as I do often during my work, it’s such a relief for me to be able to relax in my feminine essence, let go of the lead, and follow you. It makes me feel woman, and very, very sexy!”
What women don’t want: A man who says: “I don’t know where I want to go tonight. Wherever you want, Honey.” Or he says: “You can wear any earrings you like, Honey. They all look good on you…” Or a man who says: “Mary, you do all the planning and phone calls. I’ll just do as you say.”
6. Protector: The dragon slayer
“You keep me safe from other’s injuries or insults; and you keep me safe from dangers big and small, from financial disasters to a cold evening.”
“When you give me your jacket on a cool day, and endure the bitter wind so I feel warm and comfortable, tell me, dear man: how can I not fall in love with you?”
What women don’t want: A man like the groom in the story, where the groom and the bride are riding the horse-driven carriage. Robin Hood stops them and yells: “Your money or your life!” “Take her!” the groom replies, pointing towards his bride. “She is my life!” A man who, when given a choice between his comfort and his woman’s, chooses his own.
7. Generous Provider: A man to build her home, provide for her
“I can earn my own money. I can build my own home, buy my own clothes and jewellery, even my own flowers. I am an independent woman. But when you gift me those as your gifts of love, I feel loved, pampered and woman.”
“You give generously of your time, money and skills to others. Awww… this is so attractive…”
What women don’t want: To pick up the bill, or support her man until ‘he finds himself’. Often, those women who continuously provide for their man, fall out of love’s spell, if the supported man doesn’t fall out of love before that.
8. Purpose: A man with a plan
“Nothing is sexier to me than a man who is living his life’s purpose and passion. When I hear you tell me that you live for me, and I am your reason for living, I feel flattered…and turned off. I want to be your number 2; I trust you, admire you and fall head over heels for you when you have a vision for the world you are part of, and a passion you express as your contribution to your own vision. “
What women don’t want: A man whose days are spent in front of TV or Facebook, switching channels or browser tabs, blank stare at the glowing screen, having nothing better to do with their time and energy. Nothing turns a woman off faster than the depressed, lost soul of a man who feels sorry for himself and wallows in self-pity.
9. Kindness and Compassion: A man who cares about more than just himself
“You live for more than just yourself; you care about your family, your community and the greater world you are part of. As part of your world, I can trust to be loved by you, let go of my defenses, and open up to your kindness, body, mind and heart.”
What women don’t want: A cruel man, or a self-centered narcissist who is stingy with his attention, time, money and expression of love. A small mind and a contracted heart.
Ladies, did I miss anything? Please comment!
Gentlemen, please let me know how helpful this is!