How to use Body-Mind-Spirit practices and enjoy your time with
family and friends, even those who trigger you, in five steps:
Step 1: Intention
What is it that you intend to experience this holiday
season? Deepen emotional connection with your loved ones? Or simply have oodles
of fun? Once committed to your intention, count on it that nothing can stay in
the way of fulfilling it!
Step 2: Bless the Event
The significance of blessing something or someone is more
apparent in romance languages: “Benediction”, which, loosely translated it
means “Speaking Goodness”. For any atheists out there: think of the power of
your mind over reality, and think of the act of blessing equivalent with having
something good to say about the event, and just do it in advance. For the
spiritual soul who is reading this: the act of blessing is a kind of
transmission from Spirit, or the infinite, eternal Presence, loving kindness
and wisdom, through the medium of language. Just say: “May my entire stay with
my family be blessed, and may everything that has to do with it, from
preparation to travel to returning home, be blessed” – use your own words.
Step 3: Wake Up
If you haven’t reached the stage of Self-Realization yet, it
is unrealistic to think you’ll reach it before Christmas. But thank God for
States of consciousness! Place yourself into a higher state of consciousness
through self-inquiry or any spiritual practice you are familiar with. All you
need to remember is that fear, resentment and anger can only occur when there
is a Self and an Other. By expanding your identity to include everyone else,
including the annoying Uncle Harry, only love can flow. From the perspective of
separate ego, another’s criticism, nagging, gossiping or complaining can affect
you; at the perspective of Pure Consciousness, the most that can happen is “Criticism
/ nagging / gossiping / complaining is arising within my awareness” and “I am
this awareness, which remains unchanged even as I witness finite objects (such
as criticism etc.) arising and falling”.
The good news, remember: the more time you spend in a
certain state, the faster it becomes a trait (stage).
Step 4: Shadow Work
By integrating the very disowned parts of your psyche which
show up as annoying traits and behaviors in ‘another’, in second (you) and
third (it, him, her, they) person perspective, your heart opens to compassion
and to make room for even the more difficult of your family members. Use the
3-2-1 process “Face it, Talk to it, and Become it” from the Integral
Life Practice book by Terry
Patten et al.
Example:
3: Dad has such a negative attitude, he’s like
a wet rag on my party!
2: Dad, you have such a negative attitude, you ruin all the cheer in
the room.
1: I can’t help being in such a bad mood, and I am so unhappy about it,
it looks like I destroy the evening for the others. At this
point, an insight, or ‘aha moment’ might arise, such as: “Wow, my Dad and I are two grumpy
people at a happy event.” Chances are you’ll want to go hug Dad and
already feel better for it.
Step 5: Agree to Feel
If you have been triggered, and caught unprepared for it,
the worst you can do is hold your breath and argue with your feelings about it.
The best you can do is to agree to feel the way you do,
whether it’s annoyed, angry, sad or fearful, and stay present with the
feelings, breathing consciously, slowly and fully.
Emergency Bonus Step:
When everything else fails, remember you only have a few
hours or days to endure, and it’s soon going to be over. Not the ideal or most
spiritual step, but it can help you keep your initial commitment of having fun
this holiday season!
And fun it shall be!
May you and yours be blessed, may your expanded identity and
open heart be blessed, may this holiday season be joyful for you and yours, and
may your New Year 2013 be truly blessed in every aspect of your living!
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