Dear Lover

Dear Lover,

To all the men that I will date, or ever dated, touched, kissed, made love with, fantasized about, flirted with, and lived with:

Sometimes I said 'I love you'.

What I meant was...

'I have needs that I hope you can fulfill' 

And...

'I have the urge to touch you'

I lost my sleep and appetite

Telling you and myself that I am in love

When I was in lust and craving

I cried 

I thought I cried for you

When in fact, I cried my fears of losing your companionship, attention and affection

I spent nights and days engrossed in how I felt about you

And didn't know to feel with you

I made you object of my needs, desires and fulfillment 

And judged you in the light of what you did, or did not do for me

I angered and was hurt when you regarded me as object

And made you entirely responsible for our disconnect

I learned to offer you my friendship and attention

When it was either too late

Or inappropriate, as you were promised to another

I wanted to find love

When love was, and always is a possibility

For me to act upon, with kindness, wisdom, skill and power

Dear lover,

I have stopped looking for love

Instead, I now cultivate it

I listen

So tell me, please

What is it like to be you?

How do you feel?

What are your hopes? Your dreams? Your darkest fears? Your brightest vision for yourself, and for this world that you and I are part of?

How do you like to touch, and to be touched? What kind of kiss creates your bliss?

What would you like to know about myself, that I should reveal to you now?

What do you do when no-one watches? What is your silly self like? And your wise one? 

Who are you when you're strong, or weak, courageous or scared, doubtful, or confident, or sad, or joyfully exhilarated? What losses are you grieving, love? And what successes do you celebrate? What matters most to you, my darling, tell me, if you will.

Dear lover,

Let me witness you at your best, at your worst, at your most boring day and night

And understand you, feel with you, agree with you, and fight you.

Let me hold you, heal you, challenge you, support you, cherish you, kiss you, put you to sleep...

Let me awake you

And let me show you who I am

When I am at my best, and at my worst...

At my most boring day and night

And let us meet in mutuality for a brief while

A few seconds

A few years, maybe

Listening to each other

Feeling with each other

And let's agree to name this moment of encounter

'Love'

 © Tana Saler, February 14 2015