Doing deep inner and outer work these days, facing my darkness and pain.
Choosing to act truthfully, kindly and usefully in unfamiliar ways, in spite of the fears and anxieties arising in me, and against the old, habitual routes of speech and action.
For example, today, my initial response to a threat, and to my chest and stomach contraction reaction to it, was to feel sorry for myself, helpless, and sad for my predicament (Victim perspective). Next came the thought on how to conceal an action I took that was linked to the threat, and hide away.
It didn’t take long to access clarity, and I soon knew what to do: I wrote a message to a person concerned with my topic, where I brought full disclosure of my action, together with a proposal which, if considered, would make my action legitimate, and life easier for me and for a few other people.
I did not write primarily with the hope to win the conflict, although it would be nice to have my proposal accepted. I wrote that email in order to practice embodying and enacting the character traits that I value and cultivate. In sending the message, I felt expanded and strong.
This kind of self scrutiny and practice is a lot of hard work, and a 24/7 endeavour, but a necessary way if I am to live in alignment with my values and my deepest truth; and I believe also a necessary route to take so I can heal my body and soul beyond what homeopathy, nutrition and exercise can do.
Sometimes I wish there were a way to achieve personal growth solely by playing with kittens and puppies while being paid for it.
#GrowthKickingAndScreaming #PersonalDevelopmentIsNotForWimps #INeedKittensAndPuppies