Coloured portrait

Coloured portrait

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Contempt, High Regard, and Humour

A woman rolled her eyes in contempt as I spoke in the circle of last night’s dance event; she then turned her head towards the person on her right side, making a grimace of discontent with brief eye contact to this other person to engage her as accomplice in her contempt.

It was a brief gesture that lasted less than second, and I reacted to it with contraction and tension around my chest and belly.


My first reaction was to ask myself how was I wrong. Did I talk too much, or was the content irrelevant, or too detailed and boring? 

Personal growth step # 1: Self awareness to the effectiveness of communication.

Then I asked myself: when have I shown contempt to others, like she has shown to me? 

Personal growth step # 2: Shadow work integration - owning my own contempt by bringing it into the light of awareness.

What is a healthy way to disapprove of a person’s behaviour while holding the person in high regard (compassionate action)? 

Lesson # 1: Connect with the person whose behaviour you dislike. In seeking alliance with another against the person, you disconnect and create a distance between you and the other, which can be useful in particular contexts, and not so useful in an intimate circle of dancers. 

Humour, of course, provided that you laugh with the person and not at the person’s expense, is a healthy way to dissaprove. Humour is for critique the “spoonful of sugar” which helps the “medicine go down”. That’s sarcasm, baby! Straightforward humour teaches and connects.

Lesson # 2:  When someone does something that you dislike or disapprove of, laugh with the person at the person’s behaviour (don’t laugh at the person behind her back). Teasing sarcasm might be the best medicine.

Tikkun (Hebrew for “making amends”): I resolve to hold each person in high regard and treat all with compassion and consideration. I may tell that woman what I noticed and how I reacted if I assess that it is useful to me and to her. 

Prayer answered: I have been praying to have all the obstacles in my way to love removed. Contempt was one of them.

I am thankful.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Attraction, Resonance, Connection

Attraction and connection are not the same thing.

When meeting a total stranger, in person or online, and you feel a pull towards this other person, that's attraction.

If there's a common ground shared between you and the other person, a resonance that you can both feel beyond words, there is potential for connection.

Connection is possible when you reveal yourselves to each other, and witness each other in that revealing. A me turns into a we when two people get to know each other deeply and intimately through mutual disclosure and witnessing, and when in person, through touch, coordinated breath, and harmonious movement together, such as dancing and lovemaking. 

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Feedback for Teachers, Speakers and Presenters

Negative feedback is more useful than positive feedback if pursuing betterment and growth. Here is both from the audience, having in mind my perspective as a teacher, speaker, leader and presenter.

Favourite presenters:
- Were generous with giving their tools and methods
- Taught useful practices that can be applied in life
- Their offering was stand-alone and useful regardless whether further buying their products and services or not.
- True service, other-oriented giving. Their presentation left me grateful, inspired, enriched, and wanting to learn more from them.
- Ratio between lecture and instruction favouring instruction
- Highly expressive and nuanced voice, face and body movements, which I found engaging even after 4 hours of night’s sleep
- Personal bias towards the presenters who talked about vital energy (I’m an energy healer and tired of cynicism). I felt less alone hearing presenters whose views are that we are the body, and not only the body
- Humour - always a winner for me
- Conversational tone of voice - easy to connect with the presenter on a personal, human level, easy to trust and to like
Least favourite presenters:
- Stingy and secretive with their method. Gave the “what” and none of the “how”, leaving any benefit depending on whether buying their services or not. Major turn-off for me.
- Fluff. Long, detailed lecture, making the same point over again, no movement, no engagement, in a self-induced trance with no awareness of the participants’ responses. Nothing you can’t find on YouTube.
- Too much persuading “why” and too little educating “what” and “how”. As with any time when I am being sold, that was a turnoff.
- Monotonous voice, poker face (no facial expression), no gestures, robot-like presentations. Took away from the content for me
- Pompous, self-pretentious tone. I don’t trust humourless presenters who perform rather than connect

Friday, December 7, 2018

Day 36 Self Love - Self Affirming, self-enhancing keys

Part of the Social Media One Year of Self Love project: Day 36 Self Love - Self Affirming, self-enhancing keys

Exploring what it takes to showcase one's own brilliance. Self respect, clean and flattering clothing, living and working environment, clean, self-respectful language, elegance in all of the above.

A few points in no particular order - and help me out sorting the categories or adding your own:

1 - Toning down flaws, showcasing strengths. This doesn't mean 'concealing' flaws (I never liked cosmetic concealers by the way, any more than I would like shoving dirt under the rug). But no more private and especially public self-flagellation, that's degrading. Turn the light of attention, language and action towards all that is right with you (which is also prerequisite IMO to appreciating what's right with your spouse, family, friends and the world)

2 - Dress like you are precious, wear clothing that enhance and affirm your value, dress like the person you aspire to be. Also dress like you respect and value those who see you, act as if your pleasant appearance is one of your valuable offerings to the world. Same goes for your home. You can create beauty and elegance even on a budget.

3 - Speak clean, with clarity, with beauty, and with elegance. Drop the language clutter - one mistake I have a tendency to make is give too much detail in narratives, which is boring and unnecessary, like zooming in too close on the map until you loose track of the bigger picture. Drop the language parasites: "like", "ya know", "ya know what I mean", "whatever" or the constant seeking of approval "Am I right?" I am ambivalent about swearing - too much of it is degrading, and not at all may show inauthentic speech. Just a little "fuck" here and there for emphasis and humour is okay - what do you think?

4 - Carry yourself elegantly: stand and move tall, strong, soft, open. I have been learning this from my embodiment teachers, primarily Paul Linden and Mark Walsh, and practicing daily. If you see me collapsing my posture, pull me up by the hair!

5 - Take pride in your trade, occupation and passions. Nothing spells self-loathing like someone who hates and complains about their job. And I've been there. Speak respectfully about your profession, job, career, vocation or business. If you face judgments and dismissals, like I do when presenting my work with Reiki and the healing arts, treat your critics with respect and use their harsh criticism as an opportunity for you to practice self respect, pride and self love. Paul Linden tells me that we all need an enemy, so we can practice love and power.

6 - Speak highly or at least kindly of your competitors. Critique behaviour, but stay kind and respectful towards people. Putting competitors down to appear in a better light is actually putting you in a bad light. When I hear a teacher badmouthing other teachers, I run away from them; when I hear a teacher valuing learning or exchanging notes with colleagues, I watch and learn.

7 - Ask for what you want. And here I go: I want these posts to be seen and read, to inspire and enrich many more people, while raising my profile as a teacher, coach and facilitator. So please like them, comment on them so they keep appearing in your newsfeed, and forward them to personal development lovers. Help me help more people, it's a win-win-win for all!

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Inner Child Self Love

A month ago I started a year long project on the social media: One Year of Self Love. This is the latest entry, a poem for the love of the inner child. 

How does this resonate with you? How do you work with the Inner Child? Please tell us in comments.

Day 34, Self-Love

That which you dare not show to others
The cravings you keep hidden
Outrageous yearnings for play
and touch
reassuring words
and ice-cream
That which lies beneath your oldest unresolved emotions
is your Young One
Find her!
Talk to her
and let her talk to you
Give her the voice she never had
Let her articulate all that
which hasn't been yet said
She is the child who never grew to match your age
The Peter Pan inside your mind
Go ahead, love her,
Embrace her,
Offer her tenderness
Beyond the tenderness that she - that you - has ever known
See her much deeper than your own mother has seen you
Appreciate her more than anyone has
Whisper to her how loved she is
How glad you are to have her inside you, in your life
How playful, humorous and curious she helps you be!
Give her the harmony of discipline and care
The harmony you lacked when you were just her age
And tell her all that she has always hoped to hear
Tell her that she can count on you
That you'll be there for her
That you will never let her down
That she is precious as life itself to you
And every now and then, let her have ice-cream

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Why intuitive divinations into the future are problematic:

Intuitive readings or divinations into the future are rarely accurate, and in some cases they can actually pose problems. Here are three reasons I do not use them:

1- Projections. Just as we project our own shadows, biases and expectations upon other people, objects, events and God, we project them in our 'readings'. Predictions are always informed by the state of the person predicting.

2- The worldview of the reader and the one of the listener may not match. Even though visionary glimpses into future possibilities are available for those of us with clarity and sensitivity of perception, the vision may be lost in the translation as it is interpreted by the reader's own personal, developmental and cultural filters.

3 - Visions are retrieved on a mental plane where suggestions are also seeded. You can never tell if what you hear from an intuitive reader is a vision glimpsed upon, or a hypnotic suggestion. Hypnotic suggestions are useful when intentionally directed by a skilled and trustworthy facilitator. Negative suggestions are dangerous, as they can plant seeds of emotions, thoughts and behaviours which are not useful to the receiver.

I have personally thought intuitive readings in the past, sometimes out of despair, searching for hope, and sometimes as part of a healing session. The most useful readings have been confirmations of my expressed intent, as they offered support rather than suggestion.

When hearing that I am an energy healer, people sometimes ask me for readings into their future. I decline, and instead I offer my clients a guided meditation where they directly encounter a vision of what is possible for their area of life concern.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Chakras as Body Mapping

There are many ways to slice a pie. The body is holographic: every part of the whole holds the information of the hole, and various maps look at the whole through specific entry points: eyes, hands, feet, hair cells, blood cells, the DNA.

Throughout the times and cultures, sensitive people interested in the body and healing have noticed correlations between parts of the body, and human traits, tendencies and behaviours. As my QiGong teacher Ken Cohen was explaining in one of his trainings, someone must have pressed a point on their hand, and felt a response -say- in the stomach. They noticed a consistency of response, so they mapped that particular point on their hand as being correlated with the stomach, using methods such as applied pressure or inserting a needle to elicit a positive health response in the correlated organ. This is how acupressure and acupuncture were likely to be born.

Every moving object has an electromagnetic field around it, and so does the body, and so do the organs and the glands.The field around each gland appears to visually sensitive people as whirpools spinning like wheels, which explains the Sanskrit word for those fields “Chakra”, wheels. Highly sensitive and perceptive people have noticed a correlation between the energy field of each gland or organ, and certain psychological qualities and themes. The field around the heart or thymus has been associated with love, the field around the pituitary gland, and the area between the eyebrows has been associated with imagination and visionary wisdom, and the field around the pancreas has been associated with personal power, dominance and control.

Language has differentiated between the physical organ and its biological function, and the organ’s Chakra, or energy centre, and the physical and psychological correlated aspects. For example, when speaking of the heart, you refer to the muscle whose function is to pump blood through the body. When speaking of the heart chakra, you may make reference to a person’s receptiveness and generosity to love.

In the past years, Western medical science has shown an increased interest in the correlations between the dysfunction of a body part, and the associated psychological disturbances.

The main fallacy committed in published writings about the chakras is claiming causality where there is none but correlation, drawing criticism upon this paradigm of thought and body mapping as pseudo-science.

In fact, just as thoughts affect biology, and biology affects psychology, it is hard to say whether the health state of an organ affects its field, or the integrity of the organ’s energy field affects the organ’s function. I believe the influence goes both ways, and my experience of twenty years as a Reiki healer working with the body’s fields has shown me that affecting the field can affect the function. The Western Reiki practitioners learn how to sense the chakras by scanning with sensitized palms, and position their hands in a pattern which follows the chakra mapping of the body.

It is common practice during my Reiki training programs for students to experience the resonance between declarative statements and the felt sensations in their corresponding chakras, thus having a personal and direct experience of the correlations.