How to Apply Constellation Work to Real Life and Make Peace with Parents and Family Members

Here's an example of how to apply therapy and practice in real life:

Family Constellations reveal hidden patterns and symmetries which Bert Hellinger spoke of after noticing the constellations unfolding throughout the years. He said and wrote that in any family system, love flows from the old ones to the young ones. Parents have their children's back and take care of them emotionally. Children will grow up and have their own children, and have their back. When the flow is reversed, a child taking care of a parent's emotions and life, or a parent demanding and expecting such care from a child, the harmony of the system is disturbed and as with all systems, it affects all its members.

With this knowledge, some years ago I took steps towards healing my relationship with my father, while he was still living. In addition to my own personal work, which included constellation work, I addressed my father directly, and asked him for what I needed to receive from him, which was specifically appreciation. 

"Dad, what do you appreciate about me as a person?"

Dad responded, at first clumsy "I like your pendant" (that was his first attempt, and he got better). Then one day, when I turned 50, and visited him in Bucharest, he said" "I like how you've evolved, and I appreciate how you help people (with your work)". When I heard these words, I felt a surge of energy up my spine, which spread out to my entire body. For the first time I felt love from my father to me, and from me to him. Everything got better for us from than day on. When he died, we had both gained a degree of peace that would have not been possible without constellation work, Hellinger's insights, and my own ability to apply this method to life.

My work with clients thus extends beyond the time and space of our sessions; my clients are encouraged to do "homework" with their families: ask for what they need from their parents, whenever possible, and learn to offer empathy and support to their children.

In the photo: Tana Saler original wall painting of a family system. Love flows from ancestors to young ones.